It was one of those things that my Father failed to tell me about, like the fact that if you're unlucky - you're stuffed!

I had forgotten that there is no intonation in text or e-mail, perhaps there should be a "tic" for tongue-in-cheek or similar icon. Sadly there isn't, so I have been hoist by my own petard on a couple of occasions now, by the simple fact that after I'd pressed the "send" button, the receiver took me seriously. My Father never had these problems, he was limited to full-frontal conversations, 'phone conversations and (the closest) letter writing, though I doubt that, "Here I am surrounded by bluebells, now all I need is a naked girl. Volunteer?" is anything that would have (overtly) crossed his mind, let alone stopped and jumped up and down in front of it.

Those that know me well replied, "No, what you need is a cold shower." those that didn't know me quite as well as I thought they did lapsed into a stunned and lengthy silence. That's the other thing about texts, they don't come with anything that says, "Oh by the way, I sent this to five other people which might lead you to believe that I wasn't being serious.

My last gaffe read, "I'm lying in bed naked. Wish you were here?", perhaps not the most sensible of things to send, I could plead Saturday morning leftovers of Friday night's alchohol - but I won't. Suffice it to say that I haven't heard from several recipients since (apart from one outraged reply). Golly, in my bonhomminous state I thought the question mark (and ancillary punctuation) might make it obvious but sadly no - apologies.

I am sort of reminded of the pilot who inadvertently texted the stewardess with a message to his wife, "I can't wait for you to go down on me." Thank God it was not from his wife to him, the implications could be catastrophic.

Moral: don't be an arse and keep salacious texts to yourself.