Due to the uncertainty of future employment I have decided to enter the Country's biggest growth market:

The NIXCO Care Home for Retired Academics:

Welcome to Ivory Towers.

Nixco Ivory Towers is a special care home for the Ageing Academic.

Life getting too tough?
Young Turks ruining your life and stealing your grants?
Modern research too complicated?

Then come to Ivory Towers.

At Ivory Towers you may feel free to harangue your colleagues in our special non-pc zone.

Your own chair for life - guaranteed!

When the final call to the Great Steering Committee arrives we can assure you of a comfortable spot in our adjoining after-life facility :- Scholarest. Alternatively your ashes may be tastefully ensconced in The Stack of Remembrance.

Nixco Ivory Towers - Guaranteed Tenure for the lifetime of the Grant.

nb. Due to the demands of our trustees (Crusty, Oldbass and Tards) Ivory Towers remains a strictly male preserve. NIXCO are negotiating to build a similar establishment for the "Gentler Academic" ; Pankhurst Pavilions, but at the moment regret that they cannot find adequate funding.

The other day I met a dog called Chris, in the park. Chris was one of those rarities, a dog with taste, not for him the blind charging through the flocks of crows and pigeons, no, Chris would fixate on one individual, charge and then run under the flying bird, head held up to hold it in sight, would track him to the tree that he came to rest in, and then firmly stay, harassing the tree until the bird moved off. At this point he might get bored, run to his owner for a little chat, until a bird of such gorgeousness, ripe for a bit of chasing, would catch his eye, and he'd be off again. I spoke to his owner,
"At least he's got ambition."
"Saves throwing a bleedin' ball, Mate!"